Being together for 10 years but married for only 5 years will affect your divorce, but it does not mean your pre-marriage years did not matter. If you are going through a divorce in Missouri after a long relationship, the paperwork can feel confusing because your legal marriage date does not match your real life history. The short answer is that while Missouri law primarily uses your official wedding date to define marital property, judges have some power to consider your entire 10-year history to reach a result that is fair and just.
At Bardol Law Firm, LLC, we often see parents and couples who lived together for a decade but only signed the marriage license five years ago. This is especially common for same-sex couples who were together long before legal marriage was available in 2015. It is also common for families who simply took their time to walk down the aisle. When you decide to separate, you might wonder if those first five years of cohabitation count for anything.
The “Legal” Marriage vs. the “Real” Relationship
In the eyes of the law, the clock starts on your wedding day. Missouri is an “equitable distribution” state. This means the court divides assets in a way that is fair, even if it is not a perfect 50/50 split.
Generally, any property you owned before the wedding is considered “separate property.” Any property you earned or bought after the wedding is “marital property.” If you were together for 10 years but married for only 5, the law technically sees a five-year window of marital assets. However, the five years you spent living together before the wedding can still play a role in how a judge views your case.
Missouri judges look at “all relevant factors” when dividing property. They can consider the economic circumstances of each spouse and how each person contributed to the family. If you spent 10 years building a life together, a judge may decide that a “just” division needs to acknowledge that full history.
How Property Is Divided When You Were Together for 10 Years but Married for Only 5
The biggest challenge for a couple who were together for 10 years but married for only 5 is often the “commingling” of assets. When you live together for five years before marrying, your finances often become a single pool long before the wedding bells ring.
You might have used your individual savings to help your partner buy a house in 2018, but you did not get married until 2023. In Missouri, that house might technically be your partner’s separate property because they bought it before the marriage. However, if you spent years paying the mortgage or doing home renovations with your own money or labor, you may have a claim to some of that value.
Here is what the court will look at.
- When the asset was purchased.
- Whose name is on the title or deed.
- Whether marital funds (income earned after the wedding) were used to pay off the debt.
- Whether the “separate” asset was mixed so thoroughly with “marital” funds that it became marital property.
We help our clients map out this timeline. We look at bank statements and house deeds to see where the lines were drawn. Our goal is to make sure your contribution to the home is recognized, even if it happened before the official wedding date. You can learn more about how we handle property division in Missouri on our service page.
The Impact on Spousal Maintenance (Alimony)
One of the most significant ways the length of a marriage matters is in “maintenance,” which many people call alimony. Before a Missouri court awards maintenance at all, the spouse asking for it has to clear two thresholds. That spouse must lack sufficient property to provide for their reasonable needs, and must be unable to support themselves through appropriate employment or be caring for a child whose circumstances make outside work inappropriate.
Once those thresholds are met, the duration of the marriage is one of the ten statutory factors a judge must consider before setting the amount and the length of support.
So if you were together for 10 years but married for only 5, your marriage is generally considered a short-term marriage. In these cases, a judge is less likely to award long-term or permanent maintenance. Instead, they might award “rehabilitative maintenance.” This is temporary support designed to help one spouse get the education or job training they need to support themselves.
If the court only looks at the five years of legal marriage, they might see two independent adults. But if the court looks at the full 10-year relationship, they might see a different story. Perhaps you stayed home to raise children or moved cities to support your partner’s career years before you actually married.
Missouri judges have broad discretion here. While they are not required to give you “credit” for the years of cohabitation, a skilled attorney can present evidence that your standard of living was established over a full decade. This context can be vital when asking for a fair support arrangement.
Same-Sex Divorce and the 2015 Context
For many same-sex couples in St. Louis and across Missouri, being together for 10 years but married for only 5 is not a choice. Many couples were in committed, long term partnerships for decades but could only legally marry after the Supreme Court’s ruling in 2015.
If you are in this situation, the legal length of your marriage may be a fraction of the length of your actual relationship, because no earlier wedding date was available to you. Your family life might go back thirty years while the paperwork starts in 2015 or later. Missouri courts are increasingly aware of this reality.
In a same-sex divorce, it is essential to show the court that the financial interdependence started long before the legal paperwork was possible. We work with couples to demonstrate that their “standard of living” and their “contributions to the household” should be measured by the lifetime of the relationship, not just the years since the wedding. You can read more about our approach to domestic partnerships and same-sex family law here.
Protecting Your Interests in a Hybrid Marriage
When your relationship has this “hybrid” nature (part cohabitation, part marriage), the best thing you can do is gather your facts early. Documentation is your best friend.
- Create a timeline. Write down when you moved in together, when you opened joint accounts, and when you bought major items like cars or homes.
- Trace the money. Find out which assets were paid for with “pre-marriage” money and which were paid for with income earned after the wedding.
- Identify your contributions. Did you pay the utility bills so your partner could save for a down payment? Did you quit your job to manage the household while they finished a degree? These non-financial contributions matter in Missouri.
Divorce is already one of the hardest transitions you will ever face. When the legal definitions do not seem to fit your life, it adds a layer of stress that you do not need. We believe in “Family Law, Simplified.” This means we take these complex timelines and explain your rights in plain English. We generally return calls within one business day because we know that when you have questions about your future, waiting is the hardest part.
How Bardol Law Firm Can Help
Whether you are the higher earner trying to protect what you have built or the spouse who has focused on the home for 10 years, we are here to be your guide. We handle cases throughout St. Louis County, St. Louis City, and St. Charles County. Our team knows the local courts in Clayton and across the region, and we know how local judges tend to view these long relationships.
We do not create conflict for its own sake. We prefer to be calm, capable guides who help you reach a reasonable resolution, and we escalate only when it is truly necessary to protect your rights. If you are worried about how your 10-year relationship will be treated in a five-year marriage divorce, let’s talk about your options.
Frequently Asked Questions
Does Missouri recognize common-law marriage from a long-term relationship?
No. Section 451.040 RSMo states that common-law marriages are null and void, and Missouri has not recognized new common-law marriages for more than a century. Living together and presenting yourselves as married does not create a marriage in Missouri, no matter how many years it lasted. The one exception is that Missouri may recognize a common-law marriage that was validly formed in a state that does allow them.
If I was together with my partner for 10 years but married for only 5, will the court consider the full 10 years for maintenance?
Courts have discretion. While the legal marriage date is the primary reference point, judges can consider the total relationship length, especially if the standard of living was established during the pre-marriage years. This is most common in maintenance decisions.
Are assets I bought before marriage automatically mine?
Generally yes, assets you owned before the wedding date are considered separate property and not subject to division. However, if you used marital funds to improve or maintain them, or if they increased in value due to your spouse’s efforts, some of that value may become marital.
What is a “hybrid” classification for property?
Some assets are part marital and part separate. For example, if you started a business before marriage (separate) but grew it during marriage (marital), a court may split the value proportionally. This is common for business owners in long relationships.
Does the shorter marriage length mean I won’t have to pay spousal support?
Not necessarily. A 5-year marriage usually means shorter-term maintenance if any, but the court looks at many factors including your incomes, earning potential, and standard of living. Rehabilitative maintenance (a few years of support) is more common than long-term support in shorter marriages.
If we were together for 10 years but married for only 5, does the pre-marriage time count for anything?
It does not extend the legal length of your marriage, and it does not convert pre-marriage property into marital property on its own. What it can do is inform how a judge weighs economic circumstances, each spouse’s contributions, and the standard of living the two of you actually established.
Family Law, Simplified. Fill out the form or call 314.918.0100 to set up a consultation.